


I Stand in a Crowd...

by Jane0Doe



Series: Gone [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Depressed Tim Drake, Poison Ivy's Children, Smol Jason Todd, Tim Drake-centric, but he's not really the focus, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jane0Doe/pseuds/Jane0Doe
Summary: ...Yet I've Never Felt so AloneTim goes to visit his favourite brother, all the while considering what his life has come to be
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Poison Ivy
Series: Gone [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1404406
Comments: 20
Kudos: 241





	I Stand in a Crowd...

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to primeemeraldheiress for beta reading this for me!  
> hope you enjoy
> 
> sorry not srry for taking 4ever

  
Jump. Grapple. Swing. Role. Run. Drop. Grapple. Leap. Turn. Role. Drop and Grapple. Leap. Leap. Turn. Drop.

  
On and on and on. He was pretty sure he’d lost any potential stalkers a while ago, but that didn’t stop him from using every trick he knew to make sure that no one could track him. Not even Bruce.

He dropped down one final time to an alleyway near Robinson park and walked the rest of the way.

He felt exposed, walking out in the open like this. It had just been so long since he’d been surrounded by so many people and after a month of this constant grating presence?

He’s begun to understand why, exactly, Ivy hates most of humanity.

It isn't just the people, though. It’s the sickly smog that choked his lungs, the dreary weather and the unnatural dirt and grime that clings to everything. The Amazon may have been a nightmare at first, thanks to not having access to computers or internet or any real form of technology, but over time he’d found a freedom there that he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Ha. If you’d told him even a year ago that he’d one day grow to hate city life he would have politely offered to have you committed. Not Arkham, obviously, but maybe somewhere in California?

He’s pretty sure that Ivy’s… vaccinations might have had something to do with his change in mindset, but at the time he hadn’t been able to bring himself to care about what they were exactly when the alternative had been to abandon Jason. Even now, knowing that they’ve altered him in some way, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Jason would care. He’d call Tim an idiot for letting someone inject him with random crap even if it was Ivy. Then, he'd help him run a blood panel along, with anything else they might need. He wouldn’t be worried, Jay had trusted Ivy, but he’d still want to know what exactly she’d done.

The irony that the one person who worried about him anymore was the same person who’d almost killed him was not lost to Tim. 

But even before he’d been… changed, Jason had been strange like that.

Shaking his head slightly in an attempt to dislodge the introspective thoughts that he’d begun to lose himself in whilst walking, he pushed softly past the park gates and waited for his host to come and greet him. 

Nature was kind to him today as he hadn’t been waiting long when he saw the fiery redhead prowling towards him through the undergrowth.

With a sly smile she drew him into a hug, and he went willingly. Strange as it might seem, he’d missed her and the others almost as much as Jason.

He missed chatting with Ivy about ways to make Wayne Enterprise and Drake Industries more environmentally friendly over breakfast. 

He missed messing about with Harley and practising acrobatics with her (the same way he used to do it with Dick before the demon brat came along).

He missed listening to Selena tell him stories about all the times she’d messed around with Bruce without him realising. 

He missed video calling Dara with the others so she wouldn’t worry about them (and it had been a shock to realise that she was worrying about him too). 

He even missed bitching with Talia about Ra’s' obsessions and Bruce’s bullheadedness. 

Who knew they’d all have so much in common?

.

Stumbling slightly, he realised that once again he’d allowed his thoughts to consume him, to the detriment of his spatial awareness. Ivy, used to his lack of response when he was like this, appeared to have dragged him towards the centre of the park and deeper into the forest, filling the silence with simple chatter about what had happened since his last visit.

“-has grown an inch since you last saw him. Growth spurt…”

Dispassionately, he watched as her children moved to reveal the pathway, only to block it once more the moment they were out of the way. 

Vines brushed against him as he passed and tugged at him in a ploy for attention, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care, never mind interact with them.

He was having one of those days again.

Some days… most days it was like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and everyone was just waiting for him to misstep so that they had a reason to take away

everything. All that he had worked for, all that he’d earned, gone.

On other days, though, it was like nothing mattered. Like the world could just as easily solve all its problems or burn to the ground and it would be meaningless to him either way.

Ironically, he preferred the days where he felt like he was falling to pieces. Better to feel something than nothing, right?

With the Bats, he always had to work through it. There was always too much to do and never enough time. Besides, he was the Robin that wasn’t chosen. The Robin that had forced his way in to fix Batman. His place in the family had always been tenuous at best - _Dick making Damian Robin had proven that_ \- and he’d never wanted to risk it by showing how much of a failure he really was.

It was different with Ivy and the others, though. It wasn’t the fact that they were damaged; only an idiot could spend as long as Tim had with the Batclan and not realise they had a mountain of issues they needed to deal with. It was the fact that they didn’t seem to care. No - wait. That wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t that they didn’t care exactly. It was more that they weren’t ashamed of them and instead preferred to focus on helping each other manage rather than pretending the cracks weren’t there.

Honestly, the knowledge that it was okay to experience things like this and not pretend to be fine was liberating. 

.

He’d zoned out again.

“- then the little sapling turned those adorable puppy eyes at me and I just - I couldn’t stay mad at him. Here we are, sprout. Jason’s just finishing up with his lessons for the evening, so we’ll have to wait a few minutes. Would you like anything?”

”I…”

“So, it's one of those days,” she hummed knowingly. “I’ll get you a cup of my special tea. That always helps.”

In what felt like a blink of an eye, but was most definitely longer, Tim found himself sitting in one of the many hanging nests with a steaming cup in hand.

This is… good.

They talked for a bit and this time he actually interacted with the woman. And, slowly but surely the apathy that clung to everything began to recede, leaving his mind clearer than it had been in days. He suspected that he'd forced her to repeat herself a few times, but Ivy didn’t appear to be bothered by this so it was fine. That he can count on Ivy and the others to actually tell him how they actually feel rather than just bottling it, has done a lot to relieve his worries over whether his presence is simply an annoyance they put up with or something they actually enjoy.

They’ve just begun discussing the pros and cons of using certain elements in fertiliser when Jason came running into the clearing. He halted for a second upon seeing Tim, only to change direction and barrel towards his big brother as his face to broke out into a delighted smile.

“TIMMY!!!”

He was laughing even as he couldn't help but wince at the ear-splitting screech that should not be possible from such a small child. But then, Jason’s always been one for impossible things, hasn’t he?

He spent the next hour listening to Jason rehash everything Ivy had told him with grand gestures and dramatics that only a child could think of before spending another two playing every single game that popped into the small child’s head. From hide and seek to a strange amalgamation of what seemed to be gardening and piracy.

It was times like that where Tim understood Dick the best and the least. The feeling of being a big brother is intoxicating and he would do anything not to let little Jay, who clearly idolizes him, down. He just can’t understand how Dick didn’t realise that the first time round when Bruce adopted Jason.

.

Tim was still grinning later that night on patrol, even as he disrupted another mugging. There was a warmth in his chest, and he knew exactly who put it there.

**Author's Note:**

> so honestly this was supposed to be a fluffy fic where we finally got to see some Tim and Smol Bby Jay bonding  
> instead you got this
> 
> im so sorry Timmy!!!!! Honestly though the poor boy has always come across a bit depressed among other things. then again he's a bat and they all have SERIOUS issues. I blame Bruce for teaching his kids his shitty coping methods


End file.
